Saturday, March 21, 2009

Beating The Crusties

While one has sympathy with the views of anti-globalisation protestors - nah, scratch that sentence. It proceeds on the assumption that crusties have thought processes, and protest out of a sincere desire to effect political change rather than from a desire to break stuff and make nuisances of themselves.
The crusties will use the coming of the G20 as an excuse for rioting. Appropriately enough for a riot against economic policy, it will be a riot conducted according to economic laws; a win-win scenario for all concerned, and most certainly not a zero-sum game.
Titus and Jocasta, with all the best tattoos and cosmetic ironmongery that you can accrue at the end of an expensive education, all pierced and painted like a War Party of primitives, will get to break stuff. The cops will get to engage in the more animalistic kind of baton-wielding argy-bargy that too many of our more brutish boys in blue seem to enjoy. Our most oppressive and illiberal government, a touter of the kind of human rights which only seem capable of being advanced at the expense of civil liberties, will use it as an excuse to crack down even further upon the rest of us; as if thoughtful critics of economic policy would be seen dead with these people.
Exercising crowd control on combative crusties out on the warpath does not require brute force; only a sense of humour, and a spot of lateral thinking.
Instead of presenting the crusties with drawn batons, the cops should let them march to within 10 yards of their lines. At that point, the operational commander should give the order to present arms. Every officer should then pull out a bar of soap.
The crusties will run away in horror.
The public can be co-opted into this effort. Instead of barricading their premises against looting, every gents' outfitters in the crusties' path should offer to give the boys a fitting for a free three-piece suit. Every beautician and hair salon should offer to give the ladies a free makeover. The recipients could then be interviewed by feminist Ph. D. candidates researching the question of whether or not applying make-up is an art or a science.
If this sounds harsh, good; for no good ever comes from violence, and by and large, the crusties are spoiled adult children.


Blogger Thud said...

The word NO is a pretty good weapon as most of them grew up without hearing it.

21 March, 2009 11:08  
Blogger Martin said...


Too many of them probably believe 'No' to be a construct for it to do any good.

21 March, 2009 11:56  
Blogger The Young Oligarch said...

You're right , Martin .

After the last G7 protests a couple of years ago I had the misfortune to see them all in Glasgow .

They had brought all the city traffic to a halt for bloody hours and were now infesting the up-market bistros of Royal Exchange Square before lifting their designer backpacks onto the luxury coaches waiting for them on Queen Street .

Naturally , being half-cut and on my way between pubs , I had to hurl some ill-natured abuse in their direction .
They didn't seem to like others protesting at them , however .

Had I met any of the Italian self-styled "terrorist clowns" I would have been tempted to hurl more than words . Instead I had to make do with laughing at some eejit in a pin-striped kilt (clearly trying to blend in with the locals).

22 March, 2009 02:41  

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